How to Spot a Narcissist

By Samuel López De Victoria, Ph.D.

At the core of extreme narcissism is egotistical preoccupation with self, personal preferences, aspirations, needs, success, and how he/she is perceived by others. Some amount of basic narcissism is healthy, of course, but this type of narcissism is better termed as responsibly taking care of oneself. It is what I would call “normal” or “healthy” narcissism.

Extreme narcissists tend to be persons who move towards eventually cutting others off and becoming emotionally isolated. There are all types of levels on that road to isolation. Narcissists come in all shapes, sizes, and degrees. I would like to address how a person becomes an extreme narcissist.

Narcissism, in lay terms, basically means that a person is totally absorbed in self. The extreme narcissist is the center of his own universe. To an extreme narcissist, people are things to be used. It usually starts with a significant emotional wound or a series of them culminating in a major trauma of separation/attachment. No matter how socially skilled an extreme narcissist is, he/she has a major attachment dysfunction. The extreme narcissist is frozen in childhood. He/she became emotionally stuck at the time of his/her major trauma of separation/attachment. In my work with extreme narcissist patients I have found that their emotional age and maturity corresponds to the age they experienced their major trauma. This trauma was devastating to the point it almost killed that person emotionally. The pain never was totally gone and the bleeding was continuous. In order to survive, this child had to construct a protective barrier that insulates him/her from the external world of people. He/she generalized that all people are harmful and cannot be trusted. The protective insulation barrier he/she constructed is called a false persona. He/she created a false identity. This identity is not the true person inside. The many types of false personas or identities that an extreme narcissist creates can vary. Some narcissists may have the ability to change into a variety of identities according to the situation. The wounded child inside may choose to present a front as a “bad ass” and tough individual. He/she may look, by appearance, intimidating and scary to the average person. He could also play the “nice guy/person” whom everyone likes. A corporate type version can be one that is diplomatic, proper, and appearing to care but in reality does not. Another very likeable extreme narcissist can be the one that chooses the comedian role. He/she is the life of the party and has everyone in stitches, making them laugh constantly. Everyone wants to include this person because they are a lot of fun. Try to get close or ask personal questions as to how he/she is internally doing and feeling and you will find is that he/she will quickly distract you. They will sidestep the question with another joke, making you suddenly forget what you were asking. Narcissists can be very skilled at dodging and ducking personal questions. If you press them, they will then slot you as “unsafe” and will begin to avoid you and exclude you from their life. There is also the success oriented narcissist. He/she will be your friend and keep you close to him/her as long as you are useful. Once you do not have anything more to offer and he/she has taken all they wanted from you, you are history. You are no longer desired, wanted, or sought.

Is there hope for an extreme narcissist living in an emotional and relational fort of isolation. Is a narcissist able to have a healthy life? Definitely! I’ve seen many extreme narcissists become extremely healthy in their emotional and relational life. The first step is to find competent and safe help that knows how to heal emotional traumas. Just because a counselor may have all kinds of credentials it does not mean they are competent in dealing effectively with trauma issues. Because extreme narcissists tend to have an early history of emotional wounds they are full of distrust. If they can get past this hurdle then they can begin to find help to heal. Second, extreme narcissists have to be willing to enter the realm of their feelings again. They have been the masters of covering and hiding, even to themselves. They now have to start uncovering painful wounds. They have taught themselves to stuff and disconnect their own feelings for years. Because of this, they tend to live inside their heads, in the realm of so called reason. They are likely to live in the world of rational principles, laws, rules, which are all linear. This domain is a realm they feel they can control. It is devoid of feelings. The realm of the heart or feelings is very intimidating and unsafe to them because it is non-linear and there is very little control of the outcomes. If extreme narcissists can overcome these two hurdles then there is much hope for them. They are on their road to healing.

———Take the Narcissistic Personality Inventory Quiz at http://melind4.wordpress.com———-

Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist in private practice. He is also an adjunct psychology professor at the Miami Dade College in Miami, FL. He can be contacted through his web site at DrSam.tv

source: PsychCentral.com
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/

Common Myths about Alcoholism

by Shannon Morris,

There are many “myths” about alcoholism. As an adult child of two alcholic parents, a sister, granddaughter, and wife of an alcoholic, and someone who has struggled with her own alcoholism, I have realized that there are no myths about alcoholism except one. That is the myth that alcoholism can be explained or defined and that the “rules” apply to all alcoholics.

Myth #1- When a person drinks they show their true colors. This myth is a complete falsehood. One or two drinks my allow a person to let go of their inhibitions enough to say or do things they would normally be too shy to say or do. Is that their true personality? Maybe. When someone who is normally a decent, caring person drinks to excess and beats another person to a bloody pulp, is that their true colors? I don’t think so. Alcoholism impairs your ability to think rationally so you say and do things you would never, under ordinary circumstances, say and do.

Myth #2- Alcoholism is caused by genetics or heredity- Alcoholism does seem to “run in families”. I believe it can be genetic. I also believe it can be caused by many other factors. I have known people who consider themselves alcoholics who are not genetically predisposed to the condition because of a family history of alcoholism. Instead these people began drinking for a variety of other reasons. One such person, found out many years later that they have a mental health condition. One that is now easily treatable but years ago was not. They began drinking as a way to “self-medicate”. The alcohol helped them feel less anxiety. Another alcoholic I know grew up in a family where alcoholism was not a problem at all. This person was abused by someone outside of the family and they turned to alcohol as a means to ease the pain caused by the abuse. Sometimes alcoholism can seem to be genetic because children raised by alcoholic parents, so often grow up to repeat the cycle. Is this definately because of genetics or because of learned behavior. I think both. It’s the nature versus nurture question and I believe that there may be a genetic predisposition to alcoholism in some cases but certainly not in all.

Myth #3- An alcoholic CAN drink again or an alcholic CAN’T ever drink again. These are both myths. It depends on the alcoholic and the nature or their alcoholism. I know someone who had a very serious drinking problem. They went to a psychologist who worked with them on stress management skills and some deep-rooted psychological issues stemming from their childhood. They now can drink socially with no problems whatsoever. I also know a man who was an recovering alcoholic. He had more than twenty years of sobriety. He had grown up in a healthy family environment. He had not been abused as a child. He had no deep-rooted issues that caused him to drink. During his sobriety he had married, raised a family, built a very successful business, and was extremely happy.
He was on the golf course one day with some buddys who were drinking beer and decided after twenty years of sobriety and being secure and happy with his life there was no reason why he couldn’t have a beer. Within a year he was drinking every day and had almost lost everything. As I said before there are no rules to alcoholism.

Myth #4- Alcoholism is caused by environment. This can be true for some people but is definately not always the case. My father grew up in a home where there was almost no drinking. My grandparents might split a beer now and then or have a glass of wine on a special occasion. There was no abuse of alcohol or any other drug and the family was as happy and functional as any. Yet, my father grew up to be an extreme alcoholic. He certainly did not learn this behavior. My mother on the other hand did grow up in an alcoholic home. There is a history of alcoholism in her family and she was abused as a child. So which one caused her alcoholism. Was it genetic? Was it a learned behavior? Was she trying to dull the pain of childhood abuse? It was probably a combination of all three.

Myth #5- AA works or AA does not work- AA can work for some people. I’ve seen it. It may not work for others. Alcoholism is a term for someone who cannot control their drinking without help. What kind of help is needed is as varied as the reasons for alcoholism. If a person drinks excessively to mask the pain of some type of trauma, of course they need to deal with that trauma. If someone is an alcoholic because of genetics or an “allergy” to alcohol then AA may work well for them. That person my NEVER be able to drink again. As with treatments for other illnesses and diseases, there is no one treatment for alcoholism that will work for everyone.

There are many other “myths” surrounding alcoholism. The biggest myth, however is simply that any one statement concerning alcoholism will ring true for every alcoholic. People are very different and so require different treatments. The causes of alcoholism vary greatly from individual to individual. I have searched for answers for years. What caused this in my family? Why us? How can I keep this from happening to me or my children? There are now answers to the first two or better I should say, there are too many answers to the first two. As for my last question, there is no way to be sure that my children or future grandchildren won’t ever encounter problems with alcoholism. Statistically speaking, they are doomed! I can, however, lead by example by making sure my own drinking habits are never out of control. I can teach my children the risks of alcohol. I can let them know that our family has issues with alcoholism and what the warning signs are. Knowledge is power. We may never know why but we can learn how to keep from perpetuating the cycle.

source: Shannon Morris, Helium.com

Adult Children of Alcoholics: Long-term effects

by  Kim Remesch, Helium.com

The Family Secret

“On the day my father would get his paycheck, he often just didn’t come home. When he finally did come home-in a cab the next day-he wouldn’t know where the car was,” recounts Ann, whose childhood memories revolved around life with an alcoholic. “After one of those nights out,” she continues, “he would literally have his pockets inside out.”

Despite the frequency of these benders, no one knew about her father’s alcoholism. Ann’s mother made excuses to the public at large, while the subject was never discussed within the family. In essence, the problem didn’t exist. Ann explains, “You get the message, without ever being told, that it is a family secret. Don’t talk about it. We didn’t.”
Don’t talk. Don’t feel. Don’t trust. These are the rules by which an alcoholic’s family lives. And these rules follow the children of alcoholics into adulthood. Consider these facts:

Children of alcoholics have a 40 percent chance of becoming alcoholics themselves. Whether a physical predisposition exists is uncertain, but according to statistics, growing up in an alcoholic home itself encourages alcoholism or a propensity to marry an alcoholic.

Most child incest victims are from alcoholic households.
Two thirds of the children of alcoholics have either been abused or have witnessed the abuse of another family member.

To deal with such harsh realities, children of alcoholics assume certain roles with remarkable universality. While the circumstances differ, the feelings are universal. These roles: Family hero, mascot, scapegoat, and lost child-are roles adaptive roles the children had which no longer fit, but persist into adulthood.

Family Hero: The key word to this role is over achievement. As adults, they are never satisfied with what they are able to do, even if they have superlative achievements. Ultimately, this leads to early burnout, stress and a feeling of being driven when you don’t know why.

The Scapegoat: As a child, he gets into one scrape after another in an attempt to take the focus off of the alcoholic parent.

The Mascot: The mascot tries to be the emotional wick of the family, bringing sensitivity, caring and humor whenever possible.

The Lost Child: He is an invisible child. This is about as it sounds. Here is a typical scene: The son asks for permission to sleep at a friend’s house. The dad okays the plan, then takes to drinking. The son goes in to pack. When he comes out of his room with his backpack, the father says, “Where are you going?”

The Lost Child would typically answer, “Nowhere.” He would then simply go to his room to unpack. This child doesn’t get involved with squabbles or emotions.
If there are many common characteristics of younger children of alcoholics, there are just as many shared characteristics which bind them as adults. Janet Woititz, a pioneer in the field, developed the following classifications used in seminars to work with Adult Children of Alcoholics:

Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal is. Since they know only what they have grown up with, they have no basis by which to judge normalcy. This is the number one characteristic of thee adults.
Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end. In fact, the term procrastination comes up time and time again with them. Basically, they’ve never learned to break projects down into manageable pieces.

They lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously and have difficulty having fun. They have never been taught how to pay attention to their own needs. In fact, to the children of alcoholics, their needs are irrelevant.

For Ann, this has meant a lack of spontaneity in her adult life. “You can’t relax and enjoy situations-picnics, outdoor concerts, etc. because you always think they may get out of control. Ultimately, you have to be in control because no one else is. At least that’s what you learned as a child.”

source: Kim Remesch, Helium.com
http://www.helium.com/items/85486-adult-children-of-alcoholics-long-term-effects

Facts on Coping With Anxiety

by Sterlin Mosley, at LiveStrong.com

1. A Little Anxiety Is Normal

Anxiety is a normal human emotion that most people experience at some point in their lives. Anxiety is really a fear reaction and typically occurs when centered around something that stresses a person out. Some individuals find public speaking provokes anxiety, while others may find being alone is what triggers anxiety. Anxiety causes both emotional and physiological responses in the body. Eliminating anxiety totally from one’s life is unrealistic, but you do not have to tolerate chronic or pervasive worry.

2. Anxiety Is Different From Full-Blown Panic

Some individuals find that anxiety causes very strong physical reactions that mimic extremely fearful situations. Shortness of breath, stomach cramps, shaking, nausea and hot or cold flashes can accompany anxiety. Some people find their anxiety to be inappropriate for the situation they are in, such as going to the grocery store or finding a suitable outfit to wear to work. Anxiety rarely causes serious physical problems unless it escalates into full-blown panic. However, anxiety seems to be more low-grade and nagging than panic attacks.

3. Frequent Anxiety Warrents Treatment

Some people find their anxiety to be debilitating and chronic. Anxiety disorders rank with depression as two of the most frequently diagnosed mental disorders in the United States. General anxiety disorder is a feeling of anxiety when no apparent reason exists. When your anxious feelings become too frequent, chronic, random and socially or personally debilitating, you could have an anxiety disorder. You can treat this disorder with medication and psychotherapy.

4. Defend Against Anxiety With a Healthy Body and Mind

Normal anxiety can be dealt with fairly simply with a bit of work and knowledge of relaxation techniques. A proper diet, relatively free of alcohol or caffeine, is a great place to begin helping anxious reactions. Learning how to relax through exercise or meditation techniques is a wonderful way to discharge excessive energy that could be causing anxiety. For many people, deep breathing exercises have done wonders in helping them manage the physical and psychological problems during an anxiety attack. Talking with a trusted friend or simply taking some time to relax and enjoy your life are good tactics as well.

5. Anxiety Can Be Helped Through Therapy

Living with chronic anxiety can cause depression, high blood pressure, migraines, intestinal problems and insomnia. Determining when it’s time to seek professional help for an anxiety problem is something every anxiety sufferer must make for themselves. Psychotherapy and counseling are a great way to navigate some of the psychological issues surrounding anxiety and help trace its beginnings. Medication therapy has proven especially helpful for some patients who find the anxiety extremely uncomfortable and debilitating. Ask your physician to recommend a counselor or search for one yourself if you find living with your anxiety is no longer manageable on your own.

About this Author

Sterlin Mosley holds a Bachelor’s degree in English writing and is currently pursuing a Master’s degree in human relations where he focuses on counseling psychology. His research interests include personality psychology and mental health pathology.

source: LiveStrong.com
http://www.livestrong.com/article/2798-facts-coping-with-anxiety/

Whole-Self Well-Being

How the Body Clears Energy

Whole-self well-being is, in part, the result of a harmonious flow of energy between our physical and mental selves. When this flow is thrown out of balance for any reason, the body and mind react to one another rather than act cooperatively. Ongoing stress, sadness, anxiety, excitement, and fear can overwhelm the cerebral self, causing traumatic energy to be channeled into the body. The body then responds by taking steps to organically dispel the energy that has burdened it and expressing it by means of physical symptoms such as illness, fatigue, or disease. In some cases, these symptoms can simply be allowed to run their natural course and recovery will come about naturally. In most instances, however, health and wellness can only be restored by a dual course of treatment that acknowledges both the physical manifestations of energy clearing and the underlying emotional causes.

Many of the ailments we experience over the course of our lives can be indicative of the body’s attempts to process intellectual and emotional energy. Swollen glands, for example, can signal that you are going through a period of emotional cleansing. Even something as simple as a pimple can indicate that your body is ridding itself of toxins and old energy. In Chinese medicine, intense emotions are held in the body’s organs as a matter of course. Grief lurks in the lungs, anger inhabits the liver, fretfulness lingers in the heart, worry is held in the stomach, and the kidneys harbor fright. Particular illnesses and symptoms represent the body’s attempts to clear emotional energy. Coughs or bronchitis can signify that the physical self is clearing away grief while a loss of appetite may signal that worry is being actively addressed.

When you feel ill or imbalanced, treating your whole self rather than treating the physical self alone can empower you to determine the root cause of sickness. Since you understand that your physical symptoms may be an expression of emotional discomfort, you can establish a balanced treatment regimen to ensure that you quickly recover your good health.

source: Daily OM
http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2009/19626.html

How to Meditate

By Deb Dorchak, LifeScript.com

Learning how to meditate needn’t be difficult, nor does meditation require an expensive meditation class, special tools, clothing or gear. Meditation for beginners is as easy as sitting down, closing your eyes and shutting out the noise of the world for an hour or so. Over the past several years, meditation has risen from a supernatural practice used only by holy men and mystics to one respected as a legitimate form of therapy throughout the world. Guided meditation and meditation class teach methods to help lower blood pressure, improve athletic performance, ease anxiety attacks, alleviate insomnia, and in general, help reduce the stress of everyday life. Meditation promotes the balance of an individual’s physical, emotional and mental condition.

What Is Meditation?
The concept of meditation is simple: to learn how to meditate is to learn how to clear the mind and focus on one particular goal.  A goal could be winning an athletic event or healing the body of a difficult disease. Contrary to what one might think, meditation doesn’t mean removing all outside stimulation, but rather focuses on one aspect of healing. This could be breathing, a particular sound or tone, a word or a mental or physical picture. Meditation is about eliminating all the mental clutter that makes a person’s mind spiral out of control to plunge into an endless cycle of worry and stress.

The Japanese have a word that describes the essence of meditation: Mushin. Mushin means “no mind.” In a dojo or karate school, the students are required to sweep the floor before each session. On the surface that might appear to be a menial task, but on a deeper level, the act of sweeping is a form of meditation that symbolizes clearing the mind and preparing the body to train.

As the student sweeps the floor, he or she also sweeps clear the mind of all the debris of the day. Thoughts of what bills to pay, what child needs to be driven where, tomorrow’s presentation and any number of daily irritations are put to the side as the mind focuses on the task at hand. Learning how to meditate teaches one how to focus on the here and now.

Is There Only One Way to Meditate?
There is no specific method for how to meditate. Everyone will have their own way of meditating, whether it is quietly listening to a guided meditation tape, practicing with others in a meditation class or simply spending some time on a quiet beach to listen to the waves crash against the shore. However, according to Holistic-online.com, meditation does have two distinct categories:

Concentrative Meditation:
People who practice concentrative meditation take an active role in their meditation and focus on the act of breathing, a particular image or picture, or sound, which could include chanting a mantra or focusing on the tone of a bell or Tibetan prayer bowl. A guided meditation might be classified as concentrative meditation in that a person listens to a tape or instructor guide her through a series of images or breathing techniques. This is probably the best type of meditation for beginners to learn the basics before flying solo.

Mindfulness Meditation:
When practicing this class of meditation, the goal is not to pay attention to thoughts at all.
The practitioner learns how to meditate in such a manner as to allow images, sounds, emotions and other sensations to float through the mind as if these were all on a movie screen. The trick is to not become involved with the thoughts. The person lets thoughts pass by rather than allowing them to linger and invite stress.

How to Meditate:  A Few Steps to Nirvana
Set the Mood. Create a calm, relaxing atmosphere. Remove any distractions, turn off the cell phone and the TV, pull the curtains and make sure the rest of the household knows not to intrude. If the meditation is taking place outside, choose a level patch of ground.

Seating. A zafu pillow is a helpful item to have. This meditation pillow is 12 inches in diameter and filled with buckwheat hulls. The zafu is fairly heavy and firm, but the firmness is adjustable by simply removing some of the hulls.  If a zafu pillow isn’t an option, then a yoga or exercise mat will provide enough of a cushion for a hard floor. A chair is also an option. Even a bed is a likely spot to meditate, but the temptation to doze off might prove irresistible.

Posture. Meditation doesn’t mean twisting up like a pretzel. After all, this is meditation, not yoga. While the crossed legs of the Lotus position are common, that position does require some degree of flexibility and not everyone can do it. Wear loose, comfortable clothing and sit erect. Keeping the knees below waist level will help the body to breath naturally.

Breathing. Start with closing the eyes and concentrating on the rhythm of breathing.
Breathing is an action not many people think about. The funny thing about concentrating on breathing is that the focus tends to make an individual change the rhythm of breathing. Try to focus on breathing without actually controlling the process. Draw each breath in as if the air pulls in from below the diaphragm. An easy experiment to try is to concentrate on breathing through the nose. When this is done, a person can feel the air hitting the roof of the mouth and the back of the throat. The lungs feel as though they are filled only at the uppermost level. When the focus shifts to the diaphragm, the air feels as though it is starting in the throat and seems to fill the lungs from the very bottom. Some people shift the focus to “breath through the eyes.”  Again, by focusing on the eyes with each intake of air, one gets the sensation of air flowing through the eye sockets. All of these suggestions come down to one thing – focus. By focusing on breathing, the mind is already on its way to letting go.

Relax. Begin to relax the muscles of the body. Start at the toes and work through each body part up through the head. Don’t rush this step. The goal isn’t to see how fast the body can relax. Like a road trip, the enjoyment is in the process of the journey itself, not in the final destination.

Focus. Choose a word, picture, feeling or tone to focus on. Repeat the sound or word, or visualize every possible detail of the object or scene in the mind’s eye. Chant or imagine the scene repeatedly, allowing it to sink into the mind.
If a visualization of a specific event is used, picture each detail of the event, including the outcome. An example would be the athlete who envisions performance on the court or in the field. The athlete will picture every move executed to perfection, leading up to the big win. This meditation works well in any situation, from making a presentation in the boardroom to easing a young mother’s anxiety over a pending birth.

Returning. Any meditation class for beginners stresses the importance of coming back to reality as slowly and as easily as going into the meditation. Never snap back and jump up. Take the time to ease from the state of total relaxation to one of attentiveness. Some people will place both hands flat on the floor or earth and breath out, picturing any excess energy flowing into the ground. Gradually become aware of the body and extremities, reversing the process of relaxation to reach full awareness.

Learning how to meditate should be enjoyable. If a beginner finds frustration with the process, then it’s not working. Let it go and try again another time. Go slow and remember that it’s not a marathon or a test. Don’t sit for hours. In the beginning, just a few minutes will work wonders. Eventually, time will slip by unnoticed as the sessions get longer. Taking a meditation class designed specifically to teach meditation for beginners might be helpful for learning the basics.

source: LifeScript.com
http://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Spirit/Meditations/How_To_Meditate.aspx

Living In The Past

Remembering the past is completely natural. Our memories of people, places and experiences can be precious and worth dwelling on from time to time. Even remembering the past in a negative way can be useful to us occasionally, as it’s how we learn from our past experiences – if we didn’t remember, we would keep making the same mistakes! However, some people live in the past most of the time and this is not healthy. When people are living in the past, they are not appreciating the present and they’re not preparing for how they are going to be happy and successful in the future.

Why do people live in the past?

For some people, continually living in the past can be a very nostalgic experience. They do it because they have fond memories of the way things used to be and feel that their past was much happier than the present. They yearn for happier days gone by. This can be for many reasons, including attachment to lost loved ones or attachments to an era, such as school, college or being part of a sports team, band or club.

Other people live in the past because they are still carrying around lots of emotional baggage with them from circumstances which have now passed. Examples of this include bad relationships with parents or former lovers, people who experienced academic issues during school years or failed in business ventures.

Ways to help

• Identify why you live in the past. What is the about the past that was so much better/worse than today? How can you make your present circumstances better than your past experiences?
• Make plans for the future. If you aspire to a happier tomorrow, you will be less inclined to look back to the past. Daydream a little as you’re doing this, it will feel really good! Don’t limit yourself by thinking “this is impossible”.
• Don’t think about what you lack. Thinking ofwhat you don’t have in your life today will keep a happy future from you, so don’t fall into that trap. Dream your future as you would wish it to be.
• Get a life coach. Consider getting the help of a life coach if you need extra motivation to focus on the future.
• Appreciate what you have now. Even if you feel like you don’t have a lot to be thankful of right now, if you really think about it, you’ll find you have a lot that you don’t appreciate. Take five minutes before you fall asleep and think of all the positive things that happened during your day. Even if it is something as simple as having had a conversation with someone you love, eating a nice meal with your family, appreciating the comfort of your bed or thinking of something fun to do at the weekend – those are all things should be appreciated!

source: Nelson Natural World

Managing Resentment and Self Pity
Most of us can feel a little put upon from time to time, but for some people, indulging in this kind of behaviour frequently can lead to deep resentment, bitterness and self pity. Self pity occurs when a person who has self centered tendencies, becomes offended by someone else. They then redirect the resentment they feel towards the person who offended them towards themselves. The result is that self pitying people see everyone else as being a success and themselves as failures. This causes them to resent their position in life and to feel taken advantage of by others.

Unfortunately, some people who suffer with chronic self pity can become apathetic in the pursuit of their goals, whilst blaming others for their lack of success.

Self pity and resentment are very destructive emotions that fester and grow the longer they remain unchecked.

• Do you suffer from resentment & self pity?
• Do you feeling short changed by life?
• Do you often say or think “Why me?”
• Do you often resent other people’s good luck, health, happiness and success?
• Do you feel that you grumble a lot?
• Are you often irritable?
• Do you feel as though you sulk a lot?
• When sick, are you reluctant to admit any improvement?
• Do you often feel like a victim?
• Are you rarely pleased or satisfied with your circumstances?

Ways to help

• Stop replaying past hurts. Replaying past hurts in your mind causes real wrongs to grow worse, and wrongs that are merely imagined assume a life of their own. You then embellish the situation to make it worse than it actually was, casting yourself as a victim in the process.
• The only person resentment and self pity hurt is you. Resentment doesn’t resolve anything, nor does it do anything to change the person we resent. Resentment allows the people who have wronged us to win, because they dominate our thoughts.
• Write down your resentments. Resentments seem more powerful when they’re in your head but once you write them down, they often fail to look as powerful and you’ll see them as what they are – 90% your own creation!
• Stop indulging in negative emotions. Self pity and resentment are self indulgent and seductive behaviours that provide false comfort. You need to train your brain not to succumb to dwelling on them. Tell yourself it is a waste of your time and if need be, start doing something else to get yourself out of the negative mindset.
• Practice appreciation. Start appreciating and becoming grateful for all the wonderful things in your life. Try writing down a list of all the good experiences you have had during the last week on a Sunday night. You have more to be grateful for than you think, it’s just that you’ve trained yourself to think mainly of the negative.
• Exercise can really help your motivation and self empowerment. It will also increase the production of feel good endorphins that lift your mood.It is very difficult to exercise and feel self pity at the same time!

source: Nelson Natural World

Quote: from Your Forces and How to Use Them by Christian D. Larson

We are here to become great men and women, and with that purpose in view, we must eliminate everything in our religion and philosophy that tends to make the human mind a dependent weakling. If you would serve God and be truly religious, do not kneel before God, but learn to walk with God, and do something tangible every day to increase the happiness of mankind. This is religion that is worth while, and it is such religion alone that can please the Infinite.

–p. 184-5, Your Forces and How to Use Them, 1912

Christian D. Larson

The Optimist’s Creed by Christian D. Larson

Promise Yourself…

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.

To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

C.D. Larson

(The Optimist Creed was authored in 1912 by Chistian D. Larson, appearing in his book Your Forces and How to Use Them. It was adopted as Optimist International’s creed in 1922. Many have found inspiration in The Optimist Creed. In hospitals, the creed has been used to help patients recover from illness. In locker rooms, coaches have used it to motivate their players.)

source: http://www.squidoo.com/OptimistCreed