Posted by: RealisticRecovery | May 22, 2009

End of a relationship?

End of a relationship?

by Dr. John Nickens

When in ones life a significant change takes place you often hears the homily: “This is the first day of the rest of your life.”

A few years ago I met with a client who faced the loss of someone she loved due to enduring relational difficulties.  It felt abrupt and unexpected to her, but as we reviewed the events leading to their final moments together she realized that the erosion had be happening for longer than she had admitted.  The signs of erosion had been present, and she had not taken steps that were well within her repertoire to make the personal changes that might have brought about a different story.  During our first session she felt that the day of the breakup was really the LAST day of the rest of her life.  In those moments of pain and confusion she needed support and consoling, and help to maintain a hopeful orientation toward the future.  Yet over the next couple of weeks her question lingered:  Is it too late to keep my dreams alive by making the changes now  that I should have already made?

The truth is that such “tipping points” in ones life can be both the last day and the first day of the rest of your life!  It can be the lastday of living life as if it is happening to you; living through a series of seemingly accidental and random events that are completely out of your control.   It can be the first day  of being intentional in your daily living if you seriously decide to be more mindful, and commit yourself to learning and practicing techniques to ensure that you treat each day with the honor and honestly you want as a dominant theme in your life.  No one can go back in time and change things that are now part of their history, but you can build a new future.  What you do today will make a difference tomorrow, and the accumulation of each day soon becomes a new and more acceptable past.

Remember, no one can do any better than strive to be a better person today  than they were yesterday.   Your starting place relevant, but not the most important part of your transformation.  What matters is your steady progress and your fidelity to the values you hold most dear.  Tomorrow you will see that today has become your new history.  What kind of history shall it be?

When you decide that guidance and support in the process of change will be helpful, seek the expertise of a qualified mental health professional, and increase your chances of success through thoughtful reflection and illuminating insight.  You too can build a new more intentional approach to life, and get more of what you want.

source: dr. j’s therapy blog


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