List of Character Defects and Assets
In the business world , when a company does an inventory or balance sheet, they list the assets and the liabilities. One of the things that struck me as odd about 12-Step recovery is that we spend a lot of time thinking about our liabilities (character defects), but not so-much our character “assets”. This is why I had to re-write my own personal 12 steps for my recovery and use tne following as my 4th Step:
Step 4 of The 12 Steps of Realistic Recovery:
I will make a realistic and rational evaluation or “inventory” of my thoughts, feelings and behaviors, both positive and negative. This is not to induce guilt and shame, but to evaluate where my attitudes, actions and decisions were not realistic or rational.
Please feel free to use the following lists as you do your Step 4 step-work , and also if you wanted to know what some of your character “assets” are -MH.
List of Character Defects
Abrasiveness
Aggression
Aloofness
Anger
Apathy
Argumentativeness
Arrogance
Attention-seeking
Bigotry
Belligerent
Bitter
Bossy
Braggart
Careless
Cold-hearted
Complainer
Compulsive
Critical
Cruelty
Deceitful
Defensiveness
Denial
Dependent
Depression
Detached
Discrimination
Dishonesty
Disorganized
Distant
Distrustful
Dominating
Dramatic
Egocentric
Enviousness
Evasiveness
Fear
Flightiness
Forgetfulness
Gluttony
Gossiping
Grandiose
Greed
Guilty Conscience
Hate
Head-strong
Hostile
Humorless
Immature
Impatience
Impulsive
In-authenticity
Inconsiderate
Inconsistent
Indecisive
Indulgent
Inhibited
Insecure
Insensitive
Intolerant
Irritable
Isolationism
Jealousy
Laziness
Lust
Lying
Manipulative
Materialism
Negative Thinking
Neglect
Obsessed
Opinionated
Over-cautious
Overly-emotional
Passivity
Perfectionism
Perversion
Pessimism
Preoccupation
Pride (to what degree?)
Procrastination
Promiscuity
Prudish
Quarrelsome
Rageful
Rebellious
Reckless
Resentful
Rudeness
Rueful
Sarcasm
Secretive
Self-centered
Self-condemnation
Self-doubting
Self-hating
Self-importance
Selfishness
Self-justification
Self-pity
Self-seeking
Short-temperedness
Shyness
Snobbery
Stinginess
Stubbornness
Submissive
Superficial
Thin-skinned
Thoughtless
Tight
Timid
Uncritical
Undependable
Undisciplined
Unemotional
Unfriendly
Unrealistic
Unromantic
Unscrupulous
Unstable
Vague
Vanity
Vindictive
Vulgar
White-knuckled
Withdrawn
Workaholic
List of Character Assets
Accepting
Agreeable
Analytical
Approving
Assertive
Attention-giving
Attentive
Bold
Careful
Cautious
Cheerful
Concerned
Confident
Considerate
Content
Controlled
Cooperative
Decisive
Dependable
Disciplined
Extroverted
Flexible
Forgiving
Free
Friendly
Generous
Gentle
Good Listener
Giving
Guilt-free
Helpful
Honest
Humble
Industrious
Involved
Kind
Lawful
Loving
Moderate
Modest
Nice
Open
Open-minded
Optimistic
Organized
Outgoing
Patient
Peaceful
Permissive
Persistent
Playful
Polite
Rational
Realistic
Relaxed
Reliable
Romantic
Selfless
Self-liking
Self-sufficient
Sensitive
Serene
Sociable
Social
Specific
Spiritual
Steady
Straight-forward
Thoughtful
Tolerant
Trusting
Trusting
Unassuming
Venturous
Warm
Willing
Witty
original source for the list can be found at: http://www.bliss-coaching.com/resources.htm#defects
I love this blog!
Yes it’s OK to custom-tailor your personal recovery and there are many great concept here!
Plus having Social Anxiety means brining a new focus to the 12 steps.
Anyway, did you know, there is a 12 Step program for Social Anxiety (Social Anxiety Anonymous) and they have also REWRITTEN the 12 Steps! Here is their version– Just Google this– “The 12 Steps of Social Anxiety Anonymous”
By: Vivian on May 15, 2010
at 3:59 am
Exactly what I needed.
By: Abby on October 5, 2010
at 12:27 am
Hey Abby,
Yeah just like any good business , doing a proper “inventory” means counting the assets, NOT just the liabilities.
Thanks for visiting and commenting.
Mike
By: realisticrecovery on October 10, 2010
at 4:50 am
I am wondering why the list of potential character assets is so much shorter than the list of character defects….
By: Nik on February 10, 2011
at 6:35 am
Now that’s a good question!
By: realisticrecovery on February 17, 2011
at 6:42 am
I’d like to hear from somebody with at least 20 years who has actually had one or more character defects REMOVED. That’s how I read the AABB — that “remove” is what we ask HP to do. Yet I’ve got 20+ years and all I see in my own life is either a lessening of the ones I have, or an opening of my eyes to reveal even more that I didn’t see before.
By: Martine on December 10, 2011
at 4:11 pm
It is because we are new at LIKING ourselves , we have been told we are all these negative things ! Few have used the positive words in the same sentence with our name !…… Learning to Love ourselves must begin with the realization that we have not done a very good job of presenting ourselves in the best light …… why ? Low self esteem ! we thought we were not worthy of experiencing the good life ! we must understand the disease nature of this … we aren’t Bad people trying to become good , but sick people trying to get well ! If you look at the asset list they are all derivatives of the emotion of LOVE …. …. The 12 steps if they are studied and Practiced in all our affairs will lead us to Experience LOVE …. and all it’s aspects ( Fruits of the spirit) What is the Alternative ? Staying where you are ….. and wallowing in character defects … which will re enforces low self esteem ….!!! NOTICE every character defect is a form of defense mechanism .. we have used them to built a wall of protection between ourselves and the people places and things that we considered a threat !
I like to call them survival tools , you need them to survive in a dysfunctional family ….. but You don’t need any defenses UNLESS you are AFRAID ! so you will notice everything in that list is a derivative of the emotion FEAR !
ATTENTION Ding ! Ding! Ding! this is a wake up Call !!!!! Listen up !
YOU HAVE BEEN LIVING A LIFE WHERE EVERY THING YOU HAVE DONE / ACCOMPLISHED was MOTIVATED BY FEAR !!!! well the evidence shows we are very familiar with those survival techniques … defense mechanisms we call character defects ! how else can you explain that .
If you are tired of Fear & Axiety …. and want what we have … you will get a sponsor to help you understand and WORK the steps , The Ego will slip away … and you will experienc a metamorphis …. and experience a new
way of life and a world of love … It ‘S always been there …. the universe has been waiting patiently for you to notice ! Love & Light 5-29-1981
By: Richard B on December 20, 2011
at 4:30 am
Thanks Richard, you bring up some interesting and , I think, truthful opinions here.
I especially liked this part:
“NOTICE every character defect is a form of defense mechanism .. we have used them to built a wall of protection between ourselves and the people places and things that we considered a threat !
I like to call them survival tools , you need them to survive in a dysfunctional family ….. but You don’t need any defenses UNLESS you are AFRAID ! so you will notice everything in that list is a derivative of the emotion FEAR !”
Thanks again.
By: realisticrecovery on January 23, 2012
at 5:29 am
now I have a question for you , about the sixth step .6. Were ready to accept help in letting go of all our defects of character.
Doesnt it seem Idealistic to use the word ALL in this step ? But I assume that word must have a reason for being there ? in the Big Book when discussing this step it is even more emphatic …. by following this with, Every one of them !……..
By: Richard B on December 20, 2011
at 4:47 am
Really appreciate this list. I just completed my sixth step and could not have done it so thurough without it.
By: Craig on February 15, 2012
at 1:28 am
I am sober now, but why am I stilling so much? Am I switching obssesions? Please anybody has something good to say?
By: Gladys Willis on March 23, 2012
at 10:40 pm
Thanks for posting. It helped me out a lot.
By: Tammy Leyva on April 2, 2012
at 7:50 pm